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Male Victims

Men Can Be Victims Too!

Men can be victims of abuse in the home. The abuser can be their female partner or, in the case of same-sex relationships, their male partner. Abuse is a control issue - abusers believe they have the right to manipulate, control and humilate another person, and this belief is not only held by some men but also by some women.

More than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year, which means every 37.8 seconds, somewhere in America a man is abused. (National Violence Against Women Survey)

As with abuse against women, abuse against men can mean a partner or spouse will:
  • Withhold approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment.
  • Criticize, name call, or shout.
  • Take away your car keys or money.
  • Regularly threaten to leave or to make you leave.
  • Threaten to hurt you or a family member.
  • Punish or deprive your children when angry at you.
  • Threaten to kidnap the children if you leave.
  • Abuse or hurt your pets.
  • Harass you about affairs your spouse imagines you are having.
  • Manipulate you with lies and contradictions.
  • Destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances.
  • Threaten with a weapon like a gun or knife.
  • Hit, kick, shove, punch, bite, spit, or throw things when upset.
Male victims are likely to feel ashamed, isolated, guilty and confused about the situation. They experience a loss of self-worth and confidence. Male victims, however, have difficulty saying their relationship is abusive because:

  • In American, culture men are often thought of as strong, domineering and macho.
  • Boys are taught that it is not manly to cry ("big boys don't cry").
  • The idea of a grown man being hurt or vulnerable is considered weak and, therefore, can be humiliating for the victim.
  • They may feel "less of a man" for suffering abuse and feel as though they are in some way not manly enough.
  • It is believed they ought to have the ability to prevent the abuse.
The reality is that if a man is physically attacked by his wife or partner:
  • He will take the abuse rather than defend himself and risk harming his partner.
  • He is aware that he risks being accused of being an abuser himself.
Abuse is not always physical, and a lot of men face daily emotional, verbal and financial abuse in silence for years as their self-esteem is slowly worn away. They become more and more isolated from those around them.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, consider talking to an advocate by calling Golden House at 920-432-4244.

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