Why Women Stay with Their Batterers
One of the most common questions asked about domestic violence is "Why doesn't she just leave?!" Unfortunately, the solution isn't always that simple. Women stay in violent relationships for a number of reasons, which include but are not limited to the following:
Fear
- Retaliation
- Loneliness
- Police
- Not being believed
- Change
- Leaving
- Emotional trauma to children
- Independence
- Increased abuse
Beliefs
- No one else will ever lover her
- Deserves to be treated abusively
- God's plan
- Husband will change
- Leaving won't change behavior
- No other alternative
- Behavior is normal
- Minimize/deny severity of abuse
- Obligated to make his life better
- Honeymoon stage will continue
- She can change herself to please him
- Guilt over failed marriage
- Children aren't affected by violence unless directly hit
Realistic Concerns
- Lack of job skills
- Lack of education
- Loss of financial security
- Need to support children
- Childcare problems
- No support from family and friends
- Lack of police protection
- Not enough energy to leave
- Greater danger to her and her children
- Cultural and religious stigma
- Society wouldn't understand
Myths
- It only happens to poor people
- If he stops drinking, he won't hit me anymore
- All battered women are crazy
- Women provoke beatings
Emotional Factors
- Guilt
- Low self-esteem
- Needs to feel needed
- Ignorance
- Feels responsible to him
- Confusion
- Numbness
- Sympathy for him
- Enjoys relationship when there is no abuse
Options Available to Victims
Expected Results
How Victim's Actions are Judged
Leave
- Increased violence
- Custody disputes
- Poverty
- Victim of stalking
- Death
- Failure
- Taking Control
- Good self-esteem
Stay
- Increased violence
- Child Abuse
- Failure to protect
- Welfare fraud
- Alcohol & drug abuse
- Weak
- Passive
Fight Back
- Increased violence
- Further injury
- Arrest
- Aggressive
- Deserving